The Habit Filter: The Discipline of Keeping Your Word to Yourself

If you truly understood the power of habits, particularly the cumulative benefits (or consequences) they offer, you would not cut yourself so much slack about the ones that undermine your goals and purpose. Build better habits and here’s how you’ll be rewarded: 

1. Shift in mindset. Instead of living as if your life is a series of separate projects, you learn what it takes to juggle the important balls of your life without dropping any of them when you build better habits. For example, I’m not taking a six-week workout class. I’m substituting my regular exercise routine for this dance class, and I’m either going back to my regular class or picking up  a yoga class.

2. You begin to ask whether the new thing that you’re considering is something that you simply appreciate or if it’s something that you really want to add to your plate. I appreciate how wonderful Toni Morrison’s writing is, and she inspires me; however, I’d rather spend my time with my friends. You begin building better habits when you resist being drawn to shiny objects.
3. You dream about how the new habit can make your life better. You begin to think of the possibilities that come with doing it for a long time. You also begin building quiet pride in your ability to stick with it. How would my life or perspective be different if I read a different book each month or got seriously active as an advocate for a cause that matters to me?
4. You think about what you could possibly miss out on if you decide to abandon a particular habit. For example, if I don’t work out and focus on getting stronger, what will aging be like for me?
5. It becomes easier to think about your life in terms of what matters to you regardless of specific circumstances: you make permanent space for what matters to you while you work in (or drop) short-term interests according to your needs or circumstances.
6. When you get clear about whether the thing you’re considering is a commitment or just something to do, you make better decisions about how much to invest in it. I really like want to join the NY-based hiking group, but will I get enough in return to give up an entire weekend each month?
7. Your sense of personal contentment increases because you know you keep your word to yourself by building better habits.

When you start seeing your habits as the quiet architecture of your life, everything shifts. You stop waiting for motivation to strike and begin relying on the systems you’ve intentionally built. The more consistently you honor the commitments you make to yourself, the more your confidence grows — not because life gets easier, but because you become someone who follows through. Building better habits isn’t about perfection; it’s about choosing, day after day, to invest in the person you’re becoming.