Coaching and Therapy Are Not the Same Thing (And You Might Actually Need Both)
Let me be clear right away: I’m not here to compete with your therapist. And I’m not here to convince you that coaching is better than therapy. What I am here to do is help you understand the difference — because when you’re trying to figure out what kind of support you need, the confusion between the two can actually keep you stuck.
Two Different Kinds of Work
Think of it this way.
Therapy is the work you do to understand your depths — why you are the way you are, how your past shows up in how you live, and what to do with all of that. A good therapist will help you understand why you have the relationship you have with your mother, what’s underneath your anger, and how to process it. That is serious, necessary, sacred work.
Coaching is different. Coaching doesn’t minimize your past — not even close. But coaching lives on the action side of the equation. My job is to help you own the fact that you are still going to pay your mother’s life insurance despite being perpetually angry about it. Therapy helps you understand the anger. I help you see that you’re not a victim because you pay it — that you choose to pay it, and that choice has power in it.
I will never let you embrace powerlessness.
Here’s the short version:
- Therapy = figuring out why
- Coaching = figuring out how
Many people do both at the same time, and honestly, it works beautifully that way. You can work through your stuff while working on your stuff. Life pretty much demands that we all live on the “working through” side to some degree. Growth, Goals, and Personal Accountability Coaching is scaffolding while you do that work.
Where Things Can Look Similar
I’ll be honest — there are places where coaching and therapy can seem to overlap, and I want to name that directly.
I will help you create and revise the narratives you hold about who you are and what you’re capable of. Guilt, negative thinking, people-pleasing, pity parties, fear — these things block progress, and we are going to address them. I help clients take the parts of their stories that have previously brought them shame and turn those into fuel, power, and the audacity to go after the lives they actually want to live.
That might sound like therapy. It’s not. The difference is where we’re headed. In therapy, the destination is understanding and healing. In coaching, the destination is movement — specific, intentional, chosen movement toward a goal that matters to you.
What We Actually Do Together
The first thing I help my clients do is get clear on what actually matters to them.
This sounds simple. It is not simple. People set easy goals, watered-down goals, safe goals — because they’re afraid to fail, or because they believe their lives are too complicated or that too many people depend on them for them to have the time and space to pursue what they really want. We dismantle that.
Once you own a real, compelling goal — one that actually excites and maybe slightly terrifies you — we build from there. That means:
- Finding regular time to advance your agenda, not just squeeze your goals into the margins of your life
- Identifying and reducing the things in your life that directly oppose your goals
- Planning and actually having the difficult conversations with the people in your life who will be affected by your growth
That last one matters. Change affects relationships. The people closest to you will notice when you start showing up differently. Coaching helps you navigate that — not to get permission to pursue your goals, but to reset expectations, communication, and respect. Done well, the people in your life might actually start supporting you.
Questions I Get Asked
Is there ever a time when you think someone should go to therapy before or without simultaneously participating in coaching?
Yes. If you have a diagnosed mental health condition, I’d recommend getting your therapist’s buy-in for coaching first.
What types of people make the best Growth, Goals, and Personal Accountability clients?
People who want to take action in a specific area of their lives. Because coaching is fundamentally about creating an action plan, you have to be working toward something specific. Think of coaching as the “figuring out how” and therapy as the “figuring out why.” If you don’t have a “how” question you’re trying to answer, we might not be the right fit yet.
Have you ever refused to work with someone?
Kind of. I’ve had clients who began treating their coaching sessions as talking sessions — coming in, discussing their challenges, but resisting any commitment to action steps. When that happens, I name it and ask whether they realize they’re lamenting rather than acting. If it continues, I’ll suggest they pause their sessions. Coaching requires a willingness to move, even incrementally.
What’s the profile of the client who makes the most progress?
The ones who treat sessions as a combination of venting and strategizing. They get it off their chest. Then they shift — focusing on how to get past obstacles and committing to micro goals. That combination is the sweet spot.
When is the best time to start coaching?
That’s person-specific, but here’s what the patterns tell me: People tend to set goals in January and quit by February. So my answer is — start now. A few things worth sitting with: If you set a goal at the start of the year and haven’t made any progress by March, you’re a strong candidate for coaching. And here’s the thing — if you know the specific reason you haven’t made progress, that actually counts as progress. If you’ve set the same goal multiple times across multiple years, that’s not a personal failure. That’s a signal that you need a different kind of support. That’s what I’m here for.
