Who is Checking for You….


…because you went first and checked for them?

One of the simple pleasures of my life is hosting my bi-monthly ladies check-in. The check-in is a gathering of up to ten women from my Blush and Brushes Tribe who cram themselves into my apartment to talk about how life is going. In particular, each person is given a set amount of time to talk about three topics: how they are making out personally, professionally, and physically (all things that have to do with the body, including mental health and even fashion!). Each woman is asked to share what’s getting in the  way of living her best life in each area and ONE GOAL that she’s working. Of course, we eat a lot and laugh tons, but what’s more than anything else is the purpose of the gathering: an afternoon that’s set aside for reflection and no responsibilities or other work (don’t you hate it when people invite you over and you feel obligated to help them set up or clean up!). Yes, responsibility/work free means it’s not a potluck and that no kids or partners are welcomed. The only commitment that the ladies make is to treat what they hear with the utmost confidentiality and to wear comfortable clothing because we get rather cozy. That’s it!

Now, let’s flip the table and focus on you, sista. Who is checking for and on you? Who are you checking in with? Don’t give me that song and dance about adulthood and parenthood being so busy that you don’t have time. Hear me when I tell you that you’ll make a way for what’s important to you. Let me explain. When I first started this gathering, it was tough emotionally. I’ve never been Ms. Popularity, and I worried that people wouldn’t attend. I worried that my idea of a check-in circle wasn’t fancy enough or exciting enough. But guess what? I decided to stick with it. As a matter of fact, I doubled down on my effort to build a tribe, especially since I  had created a FB group. The one thing that I did that made the greatest difference was that I decided that I would always go first to make others feel safe. I’m the first to disrobe, so to speak. You can’t others to share if you’re going to be guarded. Likewise, I invested first: I opened my home and took the initiative to ask people to come. So, if you don’t have a “check-in circle”, what stops you from starting one? 

This is why I do it: life is too short to live by mantras like, “I can’t stand a bunch of women” or “I don’t like people”. The same goes for perspectives like, “I keep it real, and if you can’t handle it, that’s on you”. There’s a place for connection and love in our lives that undeniable. Not only is it undeniable, it is will cost you something. Love is free neither to the giver nor the recipient. But isn’t it a blessing to be able to choose your mental and emotional well-being, in the form of choosing how you want navigate your life and how you will balance play, work, and life? Watch this TED Talk: the speaker frames this same topic in a slightly different way. And she tells a great story, too.

Let your spirit free so that it can love and be loved!

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